Aye aye mateys, today we be covering the ecstasy and the agony that be yer pirate-style baseball season.
First, they good stuff: When yer star player he be hitting a walk-off grand slam you jumps up from yer seat yelling, “Thar she blows.”
But then you figures out yer team not be making they playoffs – yet again. You sez to yerself you sez, “Stap me vitals, what a Black Spot I be in.”
Only one thing be getting you out’n The Black Spot. It be…
You gots you they whole off-season to mend yer broken heart. And Baba Blogga Yaga she be right thar with you.
Yo mateys, we is just finished up with Players’ Weekend. That be whar players gets to wear they nicknames on they jerseys. Now I be thinking ahead to next year. And I be thinking mayhaps they be wanting them a couple pirate-style nicknames. Such as they following…
The Swabby be the mug what sweeps everything away at the end of the day. Arr, that be a ideal name for yer closer.
The Landlubber be the mug what likes him the solid ground. Arr, that be yer star outfielder what face plants and makes him a diving catch afore they ball it touches the ground.
I is uncovered 2 (count ‘em 2) cases of skullduggery in they baseball park.
Skulldugger #1: The speed demon. Wanted for wanton stealing of bases.
Skulldugger #2: Springfoot. Wanted for grand theft of a home run away from the batter.
If’n you catches these skullduggers in the act you be sending over the boo birds to drop a big one on they heads. Les’n they plays for yer team. Then you be giving them the standing O.
Yo ho ho and a swig o’ the finest, it be the season for the best game EVER. I be talking about the baseball. Aye, that be a witches’ game, me swabbies. Why for? Because of they team curses. Such as the Chicago Cubs. They be cursed for 71 years on account of they be mean to a goat name of Murphy. And four other teams gots them they curses, too.
Stap me vitals, thar be jobs for witches in they baseball industry. A team witch she could undo any curse that be going around. Or cast a spell on her team’s rivals. Har, har, har, the other batters they swings at everything. They even swings when the pitcher not be throwing the ball.
PLUS, baseball be full of pirate activity to boot. Me dad would have eaten it up like if it be a bowl of fish guts stew. You gets to steal you a base and they doesn’t claps you in irons, they claps for you. Les’n you plays for they other side. Then they goes, “Keelhaul him.”
Nar, they doesn’t. But they should. The baseball it be even better if’n they uses them the pirate lingo. Like this – The manager goes “gangway,” charges onto the field and sez to the umpire he sez, “You scurvy dog, did you forget yer eye patch today?” Then the umpire he goes, “Walk the plank buster,” and throws him outta the game.
Mateys, I gots to go root on me faves – they popup-plunderin’ Pittsburgh Pirates and those strike-mashin’ seafarin’ men the Seattle Mariners. I be enjoying the game in me flying soup bowl while I guzzles a tankard of eye of newt root beer and thinks on more pirate-ized baseball lingo. They be up here later. Mayhaps you got you some to share, too. Bring ‘em on. I be waiting for yer comments.