Tag: Talk like a pirate

“Awk! Land, Yo Ho Ho.” They parrot be flapping his beak and pointing one wing.

“Land Ho. Land Ho. Land Ho.” Each birdie be picking out a melody in his or her own way. They be finishing it off with one grand and glorious “LAAAANNNNDDD HOOOOO” which be sweeter than a jug o’grog with honey.

Aye mateys, it be THE greatest “Land Ho” EVER. And you knows who we gots to thank for that if’n you remembers way back awhile when one of Bluebeard’s wives name of Imelda be teaching them to sing together. And she be doing one slam bang rootin’ tootin’ heckofa job. The whole ship be giving them a hearty round of applause.

And thirteen winks later they passengers be spotting it too. They be “Land Ho”ing it up big time. Cuz this not be just any old lump of land. It be THE island. Not too big. Not too small. Not too close to they mainland. Not too far away. Not too flat. Not too hilly. Arr, it had something for every passenger who be wanting to make theyselves a home there.

“Shiver me timbers,” they captain sez to them he sez, “Journey’s end for some of you buckos. So – who be gettin’ off and who be stayin’ aboard?”

“Awk, my turn, my turn.” One of they parrots flew himself over and perched his feets on the shoulder of the ship’s captain. “We be on this ship on account of we be looking to join up with a pirate ship – or two – or three.”

 

A fat guffaw burst out from a lubber lurking somewhere in the passel of pirates.

“Don’t larf at us, you old barnacle,” the parrot flapped up and down. “Every pirate ship needs itself a parrot – or more if’n you can get ‘em. We be ferocious defenders. We gots us the snapping beaks. And the wicked sharp claws. Yer enemies they be crying for they mammas afore the sun goes down.”

“That’s one way of doing it,” another parrot flew out of the crowd and landed on the ship’s railing. “But thar be a better way. We flies over to yer rival ship all friendly-like and offers to show them whar yer ship be. Then we leads them to the ends of the earth – and beyond.  Nobody is ever seeing them again.”

All the pirates went, “Yo ho ho.”

“EEUW, gross,” a fastidious ferret piped up. “Why would any sane creature want to be a pirate?”

“I can answer that.” The pirate captain stepped forward.