Ahoy, all me fiends, I be feeling yer pain. You looks forward all year to Halloween. But then they kiddies runs away from you as soon as they sees the cut of yer jib. So how for you gets close enough to give them the gen-u-wine monster scare? No probs. Baba Yaga gots yer back.
If’n you be a ghost, you puts on a sheet. Make sure it looks like a sheet. Arr, it could even have pirates on it. You sneaks up to a kiddie, taps him on his shoulder, and goes “BOOO” in a fakey voice. The kiddie sez, “You’re in big trouble, Tommy. You know mom told you not to scare me.” He rips off yer sheet. You goes “BWAHAHA” and you passes right through him. GAAA, Epic creep fest!
If’n you be a ghoul, you puts on a rubber chicken mask. When a kiddie shows up you goes “Cluck, cluck, cluck” and struts around doing the chicken dance. They kiddie she be larfing so hard her eyes be closed. You slides in real close, whips off yer mask, and goes “BRAAAINS.” Yo ho ho, her timbers be shivering like she be in a storm at sea.
If’n you be a goblin, you puts a coat over yer head so it looks like part of yer body. Then you sticks a false head on top. You lurches over to some kiddies TP-ing a tree, tears off yer false head, drops it on the ground, and goes “Aaah, that got rid of my headache. Anybody else have a headache? I can fix it.” You opens and closes yer fingers. They runs away so fast they be leaving a trail of smoke behind them.
But – and this be one huge but. If’n a kiddie sez, “Arr fiend, Baba Yaga be me matey” you backs way way off. Or mayhaps you gives they kiddie some candy for being so smart.
We be talking more about fears next month. For now, all I gots to say is – Happy Halloween mateys, whoever or whatever you be.