“Awk! Land, Yo Ho Ho.” They parrot be flapping his beak and pointing one wing.
“Land Ho. Land Ho. Land Ho.” Each birdie be picking out a melody in his or her own way. They be finishing it off with one grand and glorious “LAAAANNNNDDD HOOOOO” which be sweeter than a jug o’grog with honey.
Aye mateys, it be THE greatest “Land Ho” EVER. And you knows who we gots to thank for that if’n you remembers way back awhile when one of Bluebeard’s wives name of Imelda be teaching them to sing together. And she be doing one slam bang rootin’ tootin’ heckofa job. The whole ship be giving them a hearty round of applause.
And thirteen winks later they passengers be spotting it too. They be “Land Ho”ing it up big time. Cuz this not be just any old lump of land. It be THE island. Not too big. Not too small. Not too close to they mainland. Not too far away. Not too flat. Not too hilly. Arr, it had something for every passenger who be wanting to make theyselves a home there.
“Shiver me timbers,” they captain sez to them he sez, “Journey’s end for some of you buckos. So – who be gettin’ off and who be stayin’ aboard?”
“Sir.” They gorilla he nodded at Bluebeard. “I’m here with my band of bloggers. That’s John. And that’s Paul. And that’s George. And I’m Vernon, Band Leader and Spokesgorilla.”
“You’ll need some birds.” One of they flamingos flapped herself down onto the deck. “Hi, I’m JoLeen. Us birds up above have been yakking at each other while we’ve been keeping your ship moving. We found out that we all took this gig for a lark. But now we’ve bonded and we’re looking to stay together. Like at your new inn, Mr. Bluebeard. We’ll patrol the skies for you. Keep out the riffraff.” She bowed. “And welcome your guests.”
“Um, about that.” JoLeen cleared her throat. “We’re really not songbirds. We try but, well, take a listen. Hit it, birds.” Aye me mateys, they bird chorus it be like a symphony. If’n none of they instruments be in tune. And they musicians is never played a note afore. It shivered all they ship’s timbers.
“My dear sir.” They biggest rabbit sez to Bluebeard he sez, “As you know – or maybe you don’t – most rabbits are homebodies. But we here are of an adventurous nature. When we spotted your ship, we gave each other the nod that said, Excellent, we shall become ships’ rabbits. Sail off to parts unknown. Forward, fluffle!” And on they came.
“Our timbers were shivered all right.” The big rabbit shuddered so hard his scruffy fur flapped back and forth. “We discovered that there’s a reason you never see any ships’ rabbits. We don’t travel well.” Even as he be saying that, one of they rabbits he leaped over to the ship’s rail and leaned over the side. “See? The whole trip’s been like that. So we’re looking to continue our adventures on dry land. Dry unmoving land. Might there be room for us in your fine establishment, Mr. Bluebeard?”
Bluebeard coughed again. He sez to us he sez, “Yeah, I’ve got a blue beard. And yeah, I’ve got seven wives. And yeah, if I’ve heard that story once I’ve heard it a million times. How Bluebeard murdered his wives and hid their bodies in a locked room. But no, I’m not THAT Bluebeard. All of my wives are alive and kicking.”
“So,” Bluebeard said, “We’re looking for some space of our own where we can farm or maybe put up a nice cozy inn. We’d have room for a frog pond – and for any other creatures who don’t want to judge or be judged.”
“Your offer interests me, Madame Captain.” The ferret he be whipping off his top hat and bowing low and slow. His nose it almost be touching they deck. “I did not expect you and your crew to be so…civilized.”
“Shoot,” Captain Wilhemina Cook sez to him she sez. “I’ve seen worse toppers on me ship. One swabby even wears a black velvet do-rag with jewels in the shape of the Eiffel Tower. Top hats? No biggie.”
“Ahoy mateys, I be Captain Wilhemina Cook.” Son of a son of a sea dog, thar stood a woman pirate captain. That be shivering a ton o’timbers. But Captain Cook’s electric stink eye made they passengers be swallowing whatever guff they be about to spill.
“And now for the best part,” the captain said, “When me crew they is elected me captain, not all of me swabbies be that forward-looking. Some of those lubbers, they jumped ship first chance they got. So I be here looking to add to me crew. We gots us jobs for all, no matter who or what ye be. Like you, Mr. Ferret. Thar be a rat catcher opening that gots yer name on it.”
“Awk, my turn, my turn.” One of they parrots flew himself over and perched his feets on the shoulder of the ship’s captain. “We be on this ship on account of we be looking to join up with a pirate ship – or two – or three.”
A bullfrog hopped forward. “Call me MZ, Spokesfrog – er, Croaksfrog. Here’s our story. Once upon a time we were happy in our pond, sitting on our lily pads and eating flies. Then word got around that witches were turning princes and princesses into frogs. Suddenly the pond was full of puckered-up fortune hunters hoping to bag rich royalty.”
Baba Blogga Yaga 